Blogging Circle of Friends: Day 361 Prompt: Do you ever feel unwanted or excluded in anything? How do you cope with these feelings?
This is a complicated one and I don’t know if I can explain it so that you can understand the depth of everything that has happened. I met him about twelve years ago and we went out on a couple of dates at the time. He was a nice enough guy, but he didn’t seem like he was interested in anything too serious and I wasn’t really looking for anything casual (I have two children, so casual wasn’t really my thing). So I ended up getting together with an old boyfriend.
I found out later that I was wrong about him. He had been interested in something more, I just couldn’t see that. He’s not really good at expressing his emotions. He still isn’t. I’m not sure if it is a product of his military training or a product of his experiences that prevents him from properly expressing emotion. Regardless of the reasons, I was clueless at the time. I’m still clueless.
It’s twelve years later and I would like to think that we might have some sort of future together, but it’s so hard to tell with him. It doesn’t help that we live almost 1,100 miles apart from each other. We’ve done the long distance thing since I moved to Ohio ten years ago and he moved to Florida right after.
How do I cope? I don’t really. I just wake up each morning and get through each day. Love is a very dangerous thing. You put yourself out there and you risk getting your heart broken over and over again. Eventually you give up. Eventually you stop trying and you don’t even realize that you’ve stopped trying. But one can’t help but hold out hope for that one person who will actually fight to have you by their side. Someone who would do anything to let you know that you ARE loved and that you ARE worthy of love.