So You Could Be King

Broken Heart

I know you are reading this.  I think you are probably the only person who has read pretty much every word I have ever written on this blog.  I don’t think you would stop now.  I think curiosity will force you to continue to read this.  Perhaps you shouldn’t read this.  Perhaps you should go about your life never truly knowing what you did to me.

It’s my fault, really.  I always presented myself as someone who couldn’t be hurt.  I never showed anyone my heart before you.  I never let anyone know what was inside before.  I build up these walls to protect myself from the likes of you.  But somehow, someway, you managed to get past those walls and bury yourself deep inside.

“How was I to know that you would weaken so easily.” ~ “All Cried Out” by Lisa Lisa and Cult Jam

“Maybe she’s just pieces of me you’ve never seen.” ~ “Tear In Your Hand” by Tori Amos

It took me by surprise.  It just never occurred to me that you would do that.  I don’t know why.  It’s not like I’m anything special or anything.  I guess I just figured that after all these years that we would end up together.  I never thought in a million years that anyone else would ever come between us.  We were supposed to end up together.

“You left my soul bleeding in the dark, so you could be king.” ~ “Explosions” by Ellie Goulding

“No Light, No Light, in your bright blue eyes. I never knew daylight could be so violent.” ~ “No Light, No Light” by Florence & The Machine

Did you even have any clue as to the power you had over me?  Did you even know what your actions would do to me?  Did you know that after all this time, I still think of you when I go to sleep and the moment I wake?  Did you know that all the actions performed in between are just the motions?  I ache for sleep.  I ache for dreams that bring you back to me.

“You coming back to me is against all odds. It’s a chance I’ve got to take.” ~ “Against All Odds” by Phil Collins

“I know that you can love me, when there’s no one left to blame.” ~ “November Rain” by Guns ‘N Roses

I keep waiting for you to change your mind.  I keep waiting for you to realize that you made a mistake.  I’m a fool.  The truth is that I gave up on being happy a long time ago.  I go through the motions for the sake of my family.  But, the fact is, that I know I will die alone.  I guess it’s my destiny.  Happiness just isn’t something I’m fated for.  But that doesn’t stop me from hoping for it.  That doesn’t stop me from wishing you would just see what I see.

“This is the book I never read
These are the words I never said
This is the path I’ll never tread
These are the dreams I’ll dream instead
This is the joy that’s seldom spread
These are the tears…
The tears we shed
This is the fear
This is the dread
These are the contents of my head
And these are the years that we have spent
And this is what they represent
And this is how I feel
Do you know how I feel?” ~ “Why” by Annie Lennox

Do you know how I feel?


I am a 43-year-old, single mom of 19-year-old boy/girl twins living in an extremely small town in rural Texas. Currently, I am employed as a Site Supervisor for a prominent corporation that provides security officers for homes and businesses.

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